


Fan Fic Blues

by her_imperius_condessy



Category: The Monkees, The Monkees (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Pure Crack, author insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 10:51:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15884565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her_imperius_condessy/pseuds/her_imperius_condessy
Summary: Oh God. Originally posted YEARS ago on LJ. A better time. A happier time.Basically, this is shameless crack metafiction.And honestly? It's my favorite thing I've ever written.





	Fan Fic Blues

Mike walked into the pad, seething as was his usual way….

“Hey, I don’t seethe!”

I looked up from the computer screen. Mike frowned at me from the other side of the table. I smirked. “You’re doing it now.”

I resumed my story.

Micky had gotten another speeding ticket, and this one had a large fine on it….

“What? I’ve never gotten caught speeding a day in my life….Is this really all you have to eat?”

Sighing, I glanced up again. Micky was poking through my kitchen. My dad being on a diet and all, we had rid the house of junk food.

“Sorry. Do you want me to write you in at an eating contest?”

Micky started drooling.

I hit the backspace button.

Micky had entered into an eating contest. The rules: to eat as many hot dogs as possible in five minutes….

“He’ll get sick, you know. That’s not a very nice thing to do to one of your favorite subjects.”

Now I was getting irritated. Peter had managed to turn on the Wii and was doing yoga.

“I’ll pull him out…” I back spaced again. Micky reappeared, wearing a shirt that said “I Went Hot Doggy At The Weiner Fest!”

He belched. “Aw, man! I almost won.”

“Blame him,” I nodded towards the downward facing dog.

Davy popped up next to Mike at my table. “Say, is there any way you could not write me with one of those Mary-Sue girls?”

I threw my hands up. “Listen, you! Have you ever tried to write enough thoroughly imaginative characters to fill up your four-girl-a-week habit? I didn’t think so!”

Mike rolled his eyes. “Here she goes…”

“Do you…Any of you know how hard it is to get past writer’s block? Especially when your characters start popping up and critiquing your work?”

There was silence. After a moment, Mike shrugged. “We thought we could help you out. Maybe we should try to be more constructive…”

Peter and Micky joined us, and I calmed back down and replaced my writing cap.

“So….Where do you all want to be?”

Four answers flew at me. “The pad….” “The beach…” “The club….” “At a gig….”

“GAH!”

“Alright, keep your pants on….Here, why don’t we just type it?”

I stared at Mike. “Uhhhh….”

“Oh, come on. What could it hurt?”

****

Once upon a time, Mike Nesmith decided to stay in Texas.

He moved to Port Arthur, married Janis Joplin, and they lived happily ever after and were dirty rich, and Mike never had to write any more silly stories.

The End

****

Micky scoffed.

“Man, that’s not a story! Let me do it….”

****

It was a dark and stormy night.

Maria-Georgina flew down the staircase like a bat from a belfry, screaming like mad. There was a monster chasing her, a creature with huge fangs, wings, and one heck of a bad disposition.

She ran and ran, finally coming to an aptly named dead end. The monster closed onto Maria-Georgina.

She let out one last shriek, knowing that it would be her last act….

But then! Hark, the music of angels.

She opened her eyes. She was standing on the transporter deck of the Enterprise. Captain Kirk rushed up to her.

“You are safe, my love. Thank goodness.”

The End

****

“Do wha’? Micky, that was terrible. Let me at it, mate…”

****

The young Traveler fell into the ice cottage, happy to have escaped the snow storm outside. But upon lighting his wick, he realized he was not alone.

There were twelve young women in the cottage, too. They were all laying about on each other, all naked.

“OOH, IT”S A MAN!” They all tackled the Traveler….

****

“Davy, don’t write an orgy! Here, it’s my turn….”

****

in the forest there lived a bear

this bear, he had a lot of hair

but the bear was sad

because bald was the fad

he shaved it of for a dare

then there was a storm

they froze for their hair was shorn

they all died

and their moms cried

but a lesson was….lorn

the end

****

I read all that they had typed.

“WHAT’S THAT! How does this help me?”

Mike sighed a little too heavily. “Fine. We’ll go back. But don’t ask us to help next time!

I believe my growl of doom may have frightened them. But there was silence for a moment.

Then I decided to post this….I really don’t have anything better, after all. 

 


End file.
